Over and Out…

So rumor has it that at Engage 09, the luxury wedding symposium in the Cayman Islands, a very vociferous planner in the audience attempted to bully the very elegant and very ladylike Darcy Miller into spilling what “trends” she thought had run their course.  While Darcy is far too clever to be baited so easily, Eventista has no such qualms and actually has been chomping at the bit to give everyone the list of things she, personally, thinks are VERY MUCH over…

Some of these items (like a favorite song that the radio destroyed by playing over and over until you could no longer bear even a note) were good ideas once.  Others were always inane, boring or just plain stupid- she will leave you to decide which things cited fall into which categories:

*Tiers of cupcakes as a wedding cake
*Cutesy and colorful candy displays at weddings (replete with insufficiently sturdy paper bags to take your goodies home in)
*”Celebrity” wedding planners (it says so on their websites) whose celebrity client list consists of having worked with Jennifer Aniston’s body double’s third cousin
*Event planners who are now self-proclaimed “lifestyle” experts (Is there a correlation between throwing a good party and pontificating on styling someone’s life? …I’ve missed it)
*White lounge furniture for after-parties (and pretty soon altogether)
*Poor miserable dogs being stuffed into absurd costumes and dragged down the aisle as a flower creature or ring bearer
*Same goes for terrified small children
*Releasing doves (read this horrendous story today http://news.aol.com/article/wedding-doves-stuck-in-nyc-park/591904), butterflies, or any other living creature as a testament to your new-age fabulousness
*Television shows that not only encourage but delight in brides and grooms behaving horrifically
*Bride and groom’s first dance that soooo unexpectedly (wink, wink) turns into disco madness (by the way, the wedding party groove down the aisle that was everywhere this week- that was actually cool)
*Etiquette columnists in bridal mags that don’t have a clue what in the world they are talking about and are advising [poor women who listen to them] some bizarro nonsense
*Starting a sentence with “In this ecomomy…”
*Bridesmaids dresses for under $200 that anyone actually thinks will be worn again
*Pretentious and absurd pronouncements on entertaining, such as “Rum is the new Vodka”
*Event/wedding designers “demonstrating” with no irony whatsoever how they can shop in a bodega and throw an absolutely extraordinary 16th century ball for 12 dollars max
* Inspiration boards that are Kafka-esque in their relation to a real wedding (uh, let’s see- I’ve got a twig, a  sequin, horses, a fountain, a doorknob and George Clooney)
*4-hour posed photo sessions before the wedding ceremony-(bride has to be up at 4 am for hair and makeup)
*”Black tie preferred” (the super-duper passive aggressive attire suggestion)

Oh, and just for good measure, empty restaurants that wont seat incomplete parties…